Archive for March, 2008

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March 15, 2008

I watch the ink dry and seep into the paper
my thoughts! My thoughts laid down
Hide them away, burn them!
No one must see what I am.
Fear, that is it, that is what I feel
Of what? They are just words.
But people die of words, their own,
Must not let them see how stupid I am,
how clever, how trite, foolish, silly, misguided I am.
My smile hides my while my pen betrays.
Yes! Yes, damn you. I’ve cried, I’ve lied
to you, to me, to all but not the page.
Those white pages lined in blue force me
the ink poisons me, sees through me
A truth serum! That is it, a truth serum.
Its addictive. I can’t stop. I am bleeding
Bleeding my soul onto these pages
Stop! Somebody stop me! I can’t stop
There will be nothing left soon, all gone.
An empty shell walking around
with a notebook tucked under his arm
My soul tucked under my arm
What sentence, for what crime is this for
Who imposed such a hellish thing.
I watch as my hand betrays me and carries out my sentence
My sentence, my prose, my thought, My God!
I don’t want to be sane, be rational, be true.
I want to create me, my own creation
Not this weak fool sitting alone writing
Stop him, he is killing me…

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Remains

March 5, 2008

The memory that softly whispers
I cannot hear what is says
though I know it is your voice
Fading like my memory of your face
till a feeling is all that remains

Your breath is hot against my ear
blowing on embers of a love grown cold
with distance time and history
But the feeling remains

The voice louder now is ringing
Persistant, calling, longing
The words I knew so well
I did not recognize
For it was only the feeling that remained.

Now confusion is all too familiar
And reigns again
All I know, all I`ll ever know
is that I loved and that the feeling
is all that remains.

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Paddy

March 2, 2008

Paddy walked swiftly along the long dock. Upon reaching the slippery end the stopped. There he leaned over and peered into the sea. What he saw must have made his blood freeze. For he stood there, half bent, looking down for an eternity. Just watching him my stomach turned and my head swam. Paddy was a strong lad, both of body and soul. To make him freeze so, it must be a truly awful. I saw him once pull a beating heart from a lamb’s chest. Suffer the death of his wife without a tear. What, but the devil himself, can cause Paddy to freeze. Then, slowly, Paddy leaned over and then fell. Like he had been pushed, then crumpling. And he lay there not moving, not breathing, not daring to. I too had been frozen, but moved when I saw him fall. The dock seemed eternally long, and stretched as I ran. The pile that was Paddy got closer and more defined. His face was even red, sweaty forehead dripping. Breathing, yes, he was breathing, in shallow gasps of air. Eyes screwed shut, mouth in a death grimace. I fell upon him and grabbed his shoulders to shake him. Screaming at him to talk to me, forcing him to speak to me. To tell me its all right, my world is not coming to an end. With all the strength that Paddy had and some borrowed. He looked up at me, eyes wide and rolling, mouth hanging open. He gurgled, moaned and finally told me what had caused such a strong man to fail. He said two words that were to change how I felt for him. They were, “back spasm”.