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Be nice.

November 6, 2018

Its hard to do but its a long term strategy.  Being a dick only gives you short term satisfaction.  Then the ramifications of your attitude come home to roost and you are alone with the world against you.  You also attract other such people and those people are not your friends.

It can be hard to be nice in the face of meanness. You have swallow your pride and suck it up.  Just think of the long game.  You will collect friends, colleagues and customers being nice.  And being nice also means not ignoring people, mending fences and going out of your way to help.

Its hard, but worth it. It all goes back to anything with value is earned.

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HDMS

October 18, 2018

What that hell does that stand for?  It was my motto as my former place of employment.  It stands for Head Down, Mouth Shut.  Basically if you asked questions or stuck your head up it would be handed back to you.  Hence why I left.

But I am doing that at my new job too, but in a positive way.  When things get tough, as they are right now, put your head down, shut your mouth and just get the job done, until it is done.

HDMS baby, it’ll get you through.

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Wait, weight?

October 8, 2018

I have made some changes.  I quit drinking, I quit sugar.  I have been walking ( a lot) and now I am doing karate ( a lot).  As a result I have lost weight, a lot.  Basically 6%.

I feel better.  Everything is easier. I sleep better etc. etc.  But it takes effort and resolve.  But I enjoy the karate and the walking.  I miss the sugar and sometimes the beer, but it is worth it.  Is this a permanent change for me? Probably.

What am I trying to say?  I’m not perfect, long way from that.  But I try.  I do things because they are hard, and that makes the results better.

Is out country fat?  Yup.  Am I shaming them? Nope.  You are responsible for your own life. Don’t follow me because I am lost.  But at least I’ll have the energy to keep going until I do find my way.

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A cat.

September 28, 2018

I am not a cat person.  My wife came with a cat and we ended up with two more over the years.  But time passes and so do cats.  They are all fertilizing my back garden.

But its not the same without one.  I had put my foot down, I was done with the pooh, the pee and the puke.  That was the negative side.  The positive side is the companionship and the bonding with an animal.

We couldn’t get a dog as we travel too much so I got another cat.  Rescued him from the SPCA.

My family is happy again. I like the little bastard.  The traits that got him abandoned are exactly the traits I love.  He is curios, talkative, follows you around and is darn good looking.

People can change, I am a case in point.

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Hiding in plain sight.

September 25, 2018

Hilarious.  This is not a private journal but it might as well be.

Even searching for eyeteaguy blog wordpress, this site does not come up.

So I can basically say what I want because no one will read it.  Depressing but also kinda cool at the same time.

 

People who lack meaning and purpose and life, die.  The person who loses his job, or retires.  Or gets divorced, or kids move away.  Filling your day with events and tasks is not the same.  Meaning and purpose focus the mind.  Everything else falls into place.  You eat because you are hungry, sleep because you are tired. If you eat and sleep as a matter of routine you can become unfounded easily.

So we search for meaning and purpose and by we I mean me.  I need a target and a goal to strive for.  Currently everything else I do right now I can handle, can manage. I do but I do not know why.

I need an adventure, a mission, and for my sins I hope I get one.

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Even if you do everything right.

September 24, 2018

It can still be wrong.

I am struggling.  I should  be happier than I am, more fulfilled. And I do not know why I am not.

You see I sleep 7.5 hours a night, going to bed and waking up at the same time everyday as you should.

I go for a good walk every morning without fail.

I drink 2-3 liters of water a day.

I go to karate and practice at home as I should.

I have friends and meet with them regularly.

I don’t drink.

I have quit processed sugar.

I have a lovely wife and good kids.

I have a house and a car, both paid for.

 

And yet…

When I was a kid I would walk around my neighbourhood and look at the the houses and all the families and have two thoughts.  One, how the hell am I going to get there. (Answer: slowly and inevitably.) And two, I can’t wait to be happy.  Of course that is a myth.

And now my happy place is spoiled.  I can’t be who I want and do what I want when I am there. I have no release.

Everything changed when my brother died. I lost my Faith and my faith. My hope.  He was my greatest cheerleader.  He always encouraged me and I always wanted to do better so he would be proud of me and I would earn his respect that he so easily gave.  Now that is gone.

And now I am lost and adrift.

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Can’t always be happy.

September 20, 2018

Why? Because that would get boring. We need change, the ups and the downs.

Do I get depressed? Damned right I do.  I get so down I can’t even see the up.  But I hang tough and it gets better.

But this pursuit of happiness is a ridiculous enterprise.  Its like having a spoonful of smoke, you can’t do it.  But we medicate, drug and drink ourselves in the pursuit of it.  Think of all the self-help books and seminars.

But the happiest person I know lives in a 200 year old farmhouse that is falling apart, with a used truck and dog.  The trick?  No idea.  He lives a simple life not trying to keep up with Jones, lives in the moment not looking back or forward.

I fail at this.  I get anxious looking to the future that never happens.  (Its always turned out better in reality). Or looking back at all my mistakes, that I can’t change.  Its hard in today’s society to live in the moment.

What am I trying to say?  Dunno.  Other than I am not perfect.  I do not have all the answers.  But I will keep looking, keep trying to improve myself.  Take and enjoy the happy moments as they come and suffer through the bad.