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Trudge, trudge

January 7, 2019

One foot in front of the other.  This is the time of year I call “doin’ time”  Not much going on, no holidays to look forward to. I don’t go somewhere warm.  Just knuckle down and get life done.

Ambition and motivation seem to be lacking but instead of giving up, just keep going.

 

Almost a year dry too.  Don’t miss it.  Seems to be making a difference.

But there is a lodestone i am carrying,  its pretty heavy but I have a need to keep it with me.  Makes me tired some days but if I put it down I am afraid I will forget about it.  I still have hope, that’s the crazy part, when there isn’t any. Clearly.  Maybe next year, or the year after.

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And so it ends?

December 5, 2018

It could be over so quickly.

We were in an accident on Saturday.  My wife and I are OK.  I never saw the guy that hit us.  My last thought would have been a comment on how the guy who was behind me should tailgate.

Turns out I should have been complaining about people turning left.

But it can be over that quickly. And I am OK with that.  It would have bee tragic for my kids and my family, friends and customers.  But I wouldn’t be here to see that so who cares.

I’ve tried my level best to be a good person.  I have failed at it a lot but I never stopped trying. I have learnt a great deal, especially from my little brother.  Be quick to forgive.  Look for the best in a person. Try your best.  Smile as often as you can. Say hello to strangers.  Enjoy what you can when you can.

Life hasn’t really changed after the accident and that is a good thing, means I am on the right path.  I don’t need to make major changes.  Even at the hospital I made sure those who were sicker then me were taken care of first. I tried not to trouble the staff.  And I was rewarded by being looked after very well, quickly and effectively.

Still healing physically.  Nice to know I am on the right path.

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Is it worth it?

November 27, 2018

That’s a hard question to answer some days.  It depends on your mood and events that are swirling around you.

Its easy to say fuck it and pack it in, many do, more than ever in fact.

Its hard to put your head down day after day keeping on just to keep on.  Tiring, wears you down.

Our search for meaning , our search for purpose, our search to discover if it is worth it.  It can be as tiring and as fruitless as actually living.

So what am I saying?  I am saying that there really isn’t a choice, giving up may be a choice for some but is it really?  Not really.  I have gotten to the lowest depths, so low I couldn’t see the light.  I have lost my faith, lost my brother, lost my drive, lost my job, lost my way.

But in a depths of a snow storm, when it is minus 24, lost, truly lost in the physical sense, I dug deep, didn’t panic, walked my way out.

So it must be worth it.  Its days like these you have to dig deep. Keep your head, walk your way out.  Because if you are living in a world of shit, do you really want to stay there?  The next place must be, has got to be, better than this. And a long dirt nap isn’t a choice.

So it must be worth it.

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Be nice.

November 6, 2018

Its hard to do but its a long term strategy.  Being a dick only gives you short term satisfaction.  Then the ramifications of your attitude come home to roost and you are alone with the world against you.  You also attract other such people and those people are not your friends.

It can be hard to be nice in the face of meanness. You have swallow your pride and suck it up.  Just think of the long game.  You will collect friends, colleagues and customers being nice.  And being nice also means not ignoring people, mending fences and going out of your way to help.

Its hard, but worth it. It all goes back to anything with value is earned.

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HDMS

October 18, 2018

What that hell does that stand for?  It was my motto as my former place of employment.  It stands for Head Down, Mouth Shut.  Basically if you asked questions or stuck your head up it would be handed back to you.  Hence why I left.

But I am doing that at my new job too, but in a positive way.  When things get tough, as they are right now, put your head down, shut your mouth and just get the job done, until it is done.

HDMS baby, it’ll get you through.

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Wait, weight?

October 8, 2018

I have made some changes.  I quit drinking, I quit sugar.  I have been walking ( a lot) and now I am doing karate ( a lot).  As a result I have lost weight, a lot.  Basically 6%.

I feel better.  Everything is easier. I sleep better etc. etc.  But it takes effort and resolve.  But I enjoy the karate and the walking.  I miss the sugar and sometimes the beer, but it is worth it.  Is this a permanent change for me? Probably.

What am I trying to say?  I’m not perfect, long way from that.  But I try.  I do things because they are hard, and that makes the results better.

Is out country fat?  Yup.  Am I shaming them? Nope.  You are responsible for your own life. Don’t follow me because I am lost.  But at least I’ll have the energy to keep going until I do find my way.

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A cat.

September 28, 2018

I am not a cat person.  My wife came with a cat and we ended up with two more over the years.  But time passes and so do cats.  They are all fertilizing my back garden.

But its not the same without one.  I had put my foot down, I was done with the pooh, the pee and the puke.  That was the negative side.  The positive side is the companionship and the bonding with an animal.

We couldn’t get a dog as we travel too much so I got another cat.  Rescued him from the SPCA.

My family is happy again. I like the little bastard.  The traits that got him abandoned are exactly the traits I love.  He is curios, talkative, follows you around and is darn good looking.

People can change, I am a case in point.